My pattern used to be I’d abandon my New Year’s resolutions by February. I’d rebuff myself, feeling as useless as pants at a nudist colony until I discovered a cool way to curb my self-disgust. I’d make the last entry to my resolution list “break all the others.” Clever, eh? Ha to all the teachers who claimed, “Carol is not living up to her potential.”
I am no longer interested in spouting resolutions. I used to worry, what will become of me if I don’t build an ark for a rainy day, switch my closet from summer to winter by November 1st and delete the dead person from my contact list at their funeral.
Now, being sixty-something I am more protective of my time. I don’t devote even an hour doing things I don’t want to do with people I don’t want to do them with. Maybe this is the result of losing my husband smack in the middle of our marriage. Our 33 years could have been 66. We each would have been 88...not that extraordinary.
Time passing makes me think of me passing so why waste it trying to live up to my ridiculous expectations? Why shouldn’t every day be a day of comfort food?
Speaking of eating, you won’t see me at dinner or lunch with boring, unfunny or dumb people. If you can’t make me laugh and you’re not picking up the check you’d better be able to do the Heimlich maneuver.
I’m not running for office and my career is what it is. I don’t have to pretend to be pals with people to qualify for my number one vice, Netflix.
If I’m 30 pages into a book and I notice I’ve read the same sentence fourteen times, it goes into the “never finishing it and I don’t care” pile.
If Type A personality is the most zealous, I am way down on the alphabet and I am fine with that. Often in the evening I lay on the couch half sleeping and I need to reward myself with a cookie to entice me to make that long voyage to the bedroom. Luckily, the kitchen is on the way.
As I sleepwalk to my bed I smile. I am doing exactly what I want to be doing – nothing, unless you count brushing my teeth to dig out the chocolate chips.
Wait. Writing this I’m realizing that I have made resolutions. They’re just easy to follow like the directions on a Jell-O box.
Happy New Year!